It adds more meaning and context to the conversation, helping get on the same page. These help clarify what your objective is from the conversation, and more importantly, what it is not. Use Don’t / Do statements to highlight what you don’t want, and what you do want from the conversation.Brainstorm strategies to meet the mutual purpose.Invent a mutual purpose if it doesn’t exist.Recognize the purpose behind both parties’ strategies. Create a Mutual Purpose if none exists, using CRIB – Commit, Recognize, Invent, Brainstorm.For a conversation to be safe, need to ensure Mutual Purpose (the Entrance condition – do you both feel that you want the same thing) and Mutual Respect (the Continuation condition – focus on the similarity between you rather than differences, to ensure that you respect the counterpart).Step out of the content to restore psychological safety, when you see a conversation becoming unsafe. Violence / forcing meaning into the pool: controlling, labelling, attacking.Silence / withholding meaning from the pool: masking (sarcasm, sugar coating), avoiding, withdrawing.Notice physical (stomach gets tight, eyes get dry), emotional (are you reacting angrily or suppressing your feelings), or behavioral (raising your voice, pointing a finger, becoming unusually quiet) signs a conversation has turned crucial.Notice physical, emotional, or behavioral signs a conversation has turned crucial.Giving the brain this complex problem has added advantage of reducing stress response.Step back from the content and notice the conditions of the argument.Learn to identify when conversations turn crucial or you move away from healthy dialogue (i.e., when safety is at risk).It’s then time to restore safety, not respond in kind.
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